So post number 3 is finally here and I have to say it’s come a lot sooner than I was expecting! Now into the last 10 weeks of my degree the work is certainly piling up making these extra-curricular activities increasingly difficult! However, I managed to find myself with a free evening last night and stumbled across a post I began writing a few weeks ago on ‘happiness’. At the time I had gotten stuck but after finishing Scot McKnight’s book ‘The Blue Parakeet’ I felt I could finally finish it.
When I talk about happiness in this post I’m not concerned with fleeting moments of elation but rather long term satisfaction with life. When studies are showing that we are the most addicted, medicated, and depressed society in human history (Brown, 2010) questions need to be asked. As with everything on this blog this post comes from my own personal story and struggles. I have been on an incredible journey towards true happiness the last couple of years and though I have not reached the end I am most definitely enjoying the ride!
For the sake of length I could only really brush the surface of this topic. So if anyone wants to talk further about it just let me know as it’s one that really interests me! Whether or not you agree with the solution I propose for ultimate satisfaction I hope at least that some of my musings and questions will provide you with a basis to go on a journey of your own, ultimately leading to a more fulfilled and satisfying life!
Happiness. Where does it come from? How do we get it? How do we keep it?
Are these not questions all humans consider almost every day, if not consciously then at least subconsciously. Every time we go shopping we are choosing which item will make us most happy. For some that will be the most expensive, flashy item there, for another it may be a cheaper alternative that will allow them to save money. Either way, both are considering some form of happiness, or at least satisfaction.
Ethical theorists such as Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832) saw happiness as the only thing desirable as an end in itself. All the other things we seek – fame, fortune, sanctity, serenity, knowledge, power, love, friendship or whatever – are of value only in so far as they are conducive to happiness. But in our materialistic, capitalist society I guess the question is how conducive are these, or other, things to happiness?
We all know the phrase ‘money can’t buy you happiness’. Yet people still seem to try don’t they? We still go out and buy the latest phone, laptop, TV, car, clothes etc. and unless you are super-human you will get some sort of happiness in this. So surely money can buy happiness? Well in a word, yes. But that happiness is only temporary, it is fleeting like a packet of chocolate fingers, no sooner has it been started before it’s finished…you know it’s true.
Professor Andrew Oswald from the University of Warwick wrote an interesting article in 2006 called Shiny Happy People in which he looked at modern research into happiness and he highlighted some insightful, yet common sense truths about human happiness. In this post I am going to expand on these and try and show God’s view on how we can attain true lasting happiness.
Money can’t buy you happiness
The first pieces of research Andrew mentions in his article show that despite the UK and US being considerably richer nations now than even 40 years ago:
1. Psychological well-being and satisfaction have either stayed the same or dropped in comparison to their (poorer) parents.
2. Rates of depression have increased in countries like the UK.
3. Measured levels of stress have increased.
4. In the US even though real income levels have risen 6-fold, the per-capita suicide rate is the same as in the year 1900.
But why should this be the case? Our generation seems to have many reasons to be happier than those in bygone eras; less poverty, better health care, more affordable and accessible entertainment options, increased ability to travel and see the world, and the list goes on. Despite the research saying happiness hasn’t improved I think most of us would say we would rather live in our day and age than a century ago right? So why aren’t we happier than they were?
Well interestingly Andrew identified three factors that came up in several pieces of research that could explain this phenomenon.
1. Comparison
The research showed that “humans are creatures of comparison and that happiness levels depend inversely on the earnings levels of a person’s neighbours. Prosperity next door makes you dissatisfied. It is relative income that matters: when everyone in a society gets wealthier, average wellbeing stays the same.”
We’re all experts in this. One day you’re perfectly happy with your iPhone 4s and then BOOM! The iPhone 5 comes out and all your friends start getting it. Suddenly your phone just doesn’t cut it for you anymore. But why? You can still do everything you did yesterday, all that has changed is that other people can do different things.
2. Habituation
So what, you might be thinking. This doesn’t show that material possessions can’t buy happiness, it simply shows you have to be the wealthiest person you know!
On its own this may be true, but the research found another reason for our happiness flat-lining; ‘habituation’. Experiences wear off. Some research has shown that there is “close to complete adaptation to rises in income. Such hedonic flexibility works also downwards. Those who become disabled recover 80% of their happiness by three years after the incident.”
Again, we’re all experts in this. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve wanted something so badly it seemed to hurt, only to be bored of it (or at least normalised to it) days after getting it. Similarly there are things I have given up in my life that used to give me pleasure and happiness which I have no desire for now (e.g. sugar in my cup of tea!).
3. Poor judgement
Finally, and quite simply, the researchers found that “human beings are quite bad at forecasting what will make them happy. Quite systematically, in laboratory settings, people choose the wrong things for themselves.”
Again I am absolutely guilty of this, I only have to think back to that second slice of cheesecake I had the other day…
What we must notice about this research and the happiness debate is that no-one would deny money can buy temporary pleasure. But this is not what the research or this blog post is concerned with. I care more about the type of satisfaction that mean you are happy with life as a whole.
The hope for a lasting satisfaction
As a Christian I look to two main conversations Jesus had during his time on earth:
In both of these encounters Jesus is essentially asked ‘how can I be satisfied?’ Is that not ultimately what we are all looking for? Would it not be great to be immune from the ‘comparison’ syndrome which leads to dissatisfaction only to find that when we quench that thirst we become ‘habituated’ leading to the cycle starting again?
John D. Rockefeller, one of the richest men of all time, summed it up perfectly when he was once asked, "How much money is enough money?" And he replied, "Just a little bit more."
The material things of this world can’t satisfy us! Not really, not deep down, not for the rest of our lives. They will always let us down, they will never be enough, we will always be searching thinking the next thing we get is going to be the one that changes everything, the next pay-rise will mean we are finally satisfied. But it won’t. And we all know it.
And it’s not just material possessions, for many people their crux is relationships. They compare, and become habituated, and make poor decisions with regards to friends and partners always thinking “the next one will make me happy”, or “if only I could be with them I would be truly happy”. But we only have to look at divorce rates to know how that’s going.
For me it is perfectionism. I am a ‘recovering perfectionist’, so my downfall may not have been so much things I had but more things I did. For example, I could get 80% in a module and be really happy, until I heard that a friend got 85%! And as the research above shows it’s those closest to us we compare ourselves with, those we should love most seem to be the ones we most want to get ‘one up’ on. We all know this is broken and twisted, but most of us don’t know how to overcome it.
Just for clarity here I want to make sure you know I'm not saying I think any of these 'things' are bad, they are neutral in and of themselves. Material possessions, good grades, relationships, these can all be amazing and are certainly the means by which a lot of happiness is created, however, I believe most of us have an unhealthy relationship with them which needs to be fixed if we're going to really flourish.
What is the answer? I am
It is in God we find our ultimate satisfaction because He gives us a love that will never fail:
And we don’t earn His love, He gives it freely to those who believe in His son Jesus and what He did on the cross, taking the punishment we deserve and giving us the life He earned.
There is so much freedom in the message God gives the world! He gives us the one thing that can never be taken away, His love, and gives it to us all freely and equally though NONE of us deserve it so that no-one may boast (compare).
It was only as I got to know God and he began repairing me that I came to see that my perfectionism and all the anxiety that came with it had just been a misguided search for love, acceptance, and worth. There was an extreme brokenness both within myself and in my relationships with others that kept me from true happiness, which is not rooted in material goods, relationships, or experiences, but in a love freely given. It was something I couldn’t earn or strive for, it had nothing to do with my performance and in fact came in spite of the things I’ve done that should disqualify me from it. Realising I could just rest and accept this love made all the difference, I was finally satisfied, I could go and do or be anything I wanted knowing that ultimately whether I failed or succeeded I was valued and loved. This changed everything.
Satisfaction lies in oneness
As Scot McKnight astutely observes in his excellent book ‘The Blue Parakeet’ we were made for a ‘fourfold relationship of oneness’. This involves oneness with God, with self, with one another, and with the world. This is what Adam and Eve had before the fall, but then ‘oneness’ became ‘otherness’, with God, with self, with one another, and with the world. This is where the problem lies.
Scot goes on to say, “If reading the Bible as Story teaches us one thing, it teaches us that it is the ‘otherness with others’ that most concerns God. Otherness of the self and God is the assumption, but otherness with others is the focus.”
What Jesus did for the world was allow us a way to start creating that oneness again! Firstly with God and ourselves and this should then outwork itself into oneness with others and the world. True long-term happiness and satisfaction resides in this message. When we are one with God and ourselves we do not lack! We have the bread of life that forever quenches our hunger and the water that springs from within us that forever quenches our thirst. Our eyes are opened to what life is all about…relationship! The importance and desire of accumulating material possessions for our self slips away as we look into the broken ‘otherness’ of this world and see what we can give rather than what we can receive.
This is the call of all Christians, to bring the world back to God and to create community, relationship and oneness with all people. I give a warning here though. I said it would satisfy you and give you a deep happiness that no-one can take away, but it will also be hard! In a world with so much broken ‘otherness’ going on don’t expect to always receive back what you give. It can take hours, days, even years to repair a heart that has been ravaged by ‘otherness’ throughout its life, and you may even be persecuted for it, but never give up! Root yourself in the love God has for you and in community with others on this journey and you will never be left short.
So I say to you, fight the good fight fellow warriors, always leaving a trail of ‘oneness’ in your wake! The battle will be tough but “take up the full armour of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Ephesians 6:13-17)
Always have in your mind the day when God will restore this world to oneness, when “the wolf will lie down with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together” (Isaiah 11:6). But until that time we MUST dream this dream, making God’s desires our own and trusting Him for the power to fulfill it. Only in making this dream the desire of our heart, and thus becoming freed from ourselves can we attain true happiness and satisfaction.
When I talk about happiness in this post I’m not concerned with fleeting moments of elation but rather long term satisfaction with life. When studies are showing that we are the most addicted, medicated, and depressed society in human history (Brown, 2010) questions need to be asked. As with everything on this blog this post comes from my own personal story and struggles. I have been on an incredible journey towards true happiness the last couple of years and though I have not reached the end I am most definitely enjoying the ride!
For the sake of length I could only really brush the surface of this topic. So if anyone wants to talk further about it just let me know as it’s one that really interests me! Whether or not you agree with the solution I propose for ultimate satisfaction I hope at least that some of my musings and questions will provide you with a basis to go on a journey of your own, ultimately leading to a more fulfilled and satisfying life!
"For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"The most important thing is to enjoy your life - to be happy - it's all that matters." - Audrey Hepburn
Happiness. Where does it come from? How do we get it? How do we keep it?
Are these not questions all humans consider almost every day, if not consciously then at least subconsciously. Every time we go shopping we are choosing which item will make us most happy. For some that will be the most expensive, flashy item there, for another it may be a cheaper alternative that will allow them to save money. Either way, both are considering some form of happiness, or at least satisfaction.
Ethical theorists such as Jeremy Bentham (1748-1832) saw happiness as the only thing desirable as an end in itself. All the other things we seek – fame, fortune, sanctity, serenity, knowledge, power, love, friendship or whatever – are of value only in so far as they are conducive to happiness. But in our materialistic, capitalist society I guess the question is how conducive are these, or other, things to happiness?
We all know the phrase ‘money can’t buy you happiness’. Yet people still seem to try don’t they? We still go out and buy the latest phone, laptop, TV, car, clothes etc. and unless you are super-human you will get some sort of happiness in this. So surely money can buy happiness? Well in a word, yes. But that happiness is only temporary, it is fleeting like a packet of chocolate fingers, no sooner has it been started before it’s finished…you know it’s true.Professor Andrew Oswald from the University of Warwick wrote an interesting article in 2006 called Shiny Happy People in which he looked at modern research into happiness and he highlighted some insightful, yet common sense truths about human happiness. In this post I am going to expand on these and try and show God’s view on how we can attain true lasting happiness.
Money can’t buy you happiness
The first pieces of research Andrew mentions in his article show that despite the UK and US being considerably richer nations now than even 40 years ago:
1. Psychological well-being and satisfaction have either stayed the same or dropped in comparison to their (poorer) parents.
2. Rates of depression have increased in countries like the UK.
3. Measured levels of stress have increased.
4. In the US even though real income levels have risen 6-fold, the per-capita suicide rate is the same as in the year 1900.
But why should this be the case? Our generation seems to have many reasons to be happier than those in bygone eras; less poverty, better health care, more affordable and accessible entertainment options, increased ability to travel and see the world, and the list goes on. Despite the research saying happiness hasn’t improved I think most of us would say we would rather live in our day and age than a century ago right? So why aren’t we happier than they were?
Well interestingly Andrew identified three factors that came up in several pieces of research that could explain this phenomenon.
1. Comparison
The research showed that “humans are creatures of comparison and that happiness levels depend inversely on the earnings levels of a person’s neighbours. Prosperity next door makes you dissatisfied. It is relative income that matters: when everyone in a society gets wealthier, average wellbeing stays the same.”
2. Habituation
So what, you might be thinking. This doesn’t show that material possessions can’t buy happiness, it simply shows you have to be the wealthiest person you know!
On its own this may be true, but the research found another reason for our happiness flat-lining; ‘habituation’. Experiences wear off. Some research has shown that there is “close to complete adaptation to rises in income. Such hedonic flexibility works also downwards. Those who become disabled recover 80% of their happiness by three years after the incident.”
Again, we’re all experts in this. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve wanted something so badly it seemed to hurt, only to be bored of it (or at least normalised to it) days after getting it. Similarly there are things I have given up in my life that used to give me pleasure and happiness which I have no desire for now (e.g. sugar in my cup of tea!).
3. Poor judgement
Finally, and quite simply, the researchers found that “human beings are quite bad at forecasting what will make them happy. Quite systematically, in laboratory settings, people choose the wrong things for themselves.”Again I am absolutely guilty of this, I only have to think back to that second slice of cheesecake I had the other day…
What we must notice about this research and the happiness debate is that no-one would deny money can buy temporary pleasure. But this is not what the research or this blog post is concerned with. I care more about the type of satisfaction that mean you are happy with life as a whole.
The hope for a lasting satisfaction
As a Christian I look to two main conversations Jesus had during his time on earth:
“The bread of God is that which comes down out of heaven, and gives life to the world.” Then they said to Him, “Lord, always give us this bread.” Jesus said to them, “I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.” (John 6:33-35)
“Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, so I will not be thirsty nor come all the way here to draw.” (John 4:13-15)
In both of these encounters Jesus is essentially asked ‘how can I be satisfied?’ Is that not ultimately what we are all looking for? Would it not be great to be immune from the ‘comparison’ syndrome which leads to dissatisfaction only to find that when we quench that thirst we become ‘habituated’ leading to the cycle starting again?
John D. Rockefeller, one of the richest men of all time, summed it up perfectly when he was once asked, "How much money is enough money?" And he replied, "Just a little bit more."
The material things of this world can’t satisfy us! Not really, not deep down, not for the rest of our lives. They will always let us down, they will never be enough, we will always be searching thinking the next thing we get is going to be the one that changes everything, the next pay-rise will mean we are finally satisfied. But it won’t. And we all know it.
And it’s not just material possessions, for many people their crux is relationships. They compare, and become habituated, and make poor decisions with regards to friends and partners always thinking “the next one will make me happy”, or “if only I could be with them I would be truly happy”. But we only have to look at divorce rates to know how that’s going.For me it is perfectionism. I am a ‘recovering perfectionist’, so my downfall may not have been so much things I had but more things I did. For example, I could get 80% in a module and be really happy, until I heard that a friend got 85%! And as the research above shows it’s those closest to us we compare ourselves with, those we should love most seem to be the ones we most want to get ‘one up’ on. We all know this is broken and twisted, but most of us don’t know how to overcome it.
Just for clarity here I want to make sure you know I'm not saying I think any of these 'things' are bad, they are neutral in and of themselves. Material possessions, good grades, relationships, these can all be amazing and are certainly the means by which a lot of happiness is created, however, I believe most of us have an unhealthy relationship with them which needs to be fixed if we're going to really flourish.
What is the answer? I am
“I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst.”
“Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.”
Jesus says he is the answer! Only in him can true satisfaction be found, one that is ‘right’ for everyone, one that cannot be compared, and ultimately one that is dynamic leaving no room for habituation. Why is this? Because he is the way to the Father! “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.” (John 14:6)
It is in God we find our ultimate satisfaction because He gives us a love that will never fail:
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:37-39)
And we don’t earn His love, He gives it freely to those who believe in His son Jesus and what He did on the cross, taking the punishment we deserve and giving us the life He earned.
“But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ…. For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.” (Ephesians 2:4-9)
There is so much freedom in the message God gives the world! He gives us the one thing that can never be taken away, His love, and gives it to us all freely and equally though NONE of us deserve it so that no-one may boast (compare).
It was only as I got to know God and he began repairing me that I came to see that my perfectionism and all the anxiety that came with it had just been a misguided search for love, acceptance, and worth. There was an extreme brokenness both within myself and in my relationships with others that kept me from true happiness, which is not rooted in material goods, relationships, or experiences, but in a love freely given. It was something I couldn’t earn or strive for, it had nothing to do with my performance and in fact came in spite of the things I’ve done that should disqualify me from it. Realising I could just rest and accept this love made all the difference, I was finally satisfied, I could go and do or be anything I wanted knowing that ultimately whether I failed or succeeded I was valued and loved. This changed everything.Satisfaction lies in oneness
As Scot McKnight astutely observes in his excellent book ‘The Blue Parakeet’ we were made for a ‘fourfold relationship of oneness’. This involves oneness with God, with self, with one another, and with the world. This is what Adam and Eve had before the fall, but then ‘oneness’ became ‘otherness’, with God, with self, with one another, and with the world. This is where the problem lies.
Scot goes on to say, “If reading the Bible as Story teaches us one thing, it teaches us that it is the ‘otherness with others’ that most concerns God. Otherness of the self and God is the assumption, but otherness with others is the focus.”
What Jesus did for the world was allow us a way to start creating that oneness again! Firstly with God and ourselves and this should then outwork itself into oneness with others and the world. True long-term happiness and satisfaction resides in this message. When we are one with God and ourselves we do not lack! We have the bread of life that forever quenches our hunger and the water that springs from within us that forever quenches our thirst. Our eyes are opened to what life is all about…relationship! The importance and desire of accumulating material possessions for our self slips away as we look into the broken ‘otherness’ of this world and see what we can give rather than what we can receive.This is the call of all Christians, to bring the world back to God and to create community, relationship and oneness with all people. I give a warning here though. I said it would satisfy you and give you a deep happiness that no-one can take away, but it will also be hard! In a world with so much broken ‘otherness’ going on don’t expect to always receive back what you give. It can take hours, days, even years to repair a heart that has been ravaged by ‘otherness’ throughout its life, and you may even be persecuted for it, but never give up! Root yourself in the love God has for you and in community with others on this journey and you will never be left short.
So I say to you, fight the good fight fellow warriors, always leaving a trail of ‘oneness’ in your wake! The battle will be tough but “take up the full armour of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Ephesians 6:13-17)
Always have in your mind the day when God will restore this world to oneness, when “the wolf will lie down with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together” (Isaiah 11:6). But until that time we MUST dream this dream, making God’s desires our own and trusting Him for the power to fulfill it. Only in making this dream the desire of our heart, and thus becoming freed from ourselves can we attain true happiness and satisfaction.
